April ended up being Diabetes Awareness Month for my blog. May as well continue right!
Please pray that I can be approved and can afford a continuous glucose monitor. I could cry I am so frustrated with my blood sugars. Sundays are always bad days for my blood sugars. I tend to wake up low, especially on fast Sunday! I go about my day just fine and I do lots of things to avoid dropping low at church. I will set temporary basal rates of 0% so I don't get any insulin while I'm in church. I eat a high carb lunch and won't bolus to attempt to keep my blood sugar up while at church. Even with all of that I will still sometimes drop low. Amazing what the mind can do!
By the time I get home in the late afternoon (we start at 1:00 pm and there are rumors we won't change in September like usual but will change in January!) my tricks to avoid lows catch up with me and I am sky high all night. Yesterday I was dealing with my kids who decided to be negatively affected by the rainy weather and I completely forgot to test my blood sugar at church. Of course I was pretty high when I got home. 281 I think. So I bolused to correct the high and set a temporary basal rate for 200% of my normal basal rate. I hoped to be closer to my normal range by dinner.
Enter temptation. Hubby made bread yesterday. Like an idiot I ate a piece knowing I was too high for honey wheat bread. I gave myself what I considered to be more than enough insulin to cover that piece of bread. I was still high by dinner, of course. Sunday dinners are always super high carb meals. Hubby apologized all night about making stroganoff for dinner. It was fantastic. The best he's ever made. But even with all my insulin I was well over 400 two hours later. So the insulin game began where I bolus according to my pump's recommendations based on active insulin blah blah blah. I also had my 200% temp basal rate going all evening too.
By bedtime I was still over 300. But I was hyper, talking fast, laughing my head off at everything, and my heart was racing. I knew I was dropping fast. By midnight I was down to 132 with a couple units of active insulin. I canceled the rest of the temporary basal rate and decided to have a glass of milk to prevent dropping low while I slept. Yeah, that didn't work. I woke up at 3 am and was 38. My first reading in the 30's was when I was nursing Bug. I had a mild hallucination. I have only dropped that low maybe twice more and it was while I was pregnant, when I was doing everything humanly possible to stay in non diabetic blood sugar range. Severe lows are the risk pregnant diabetics take.
When I get a reading around 50 I freak out and want to inhale all the food in the house! So the fact that I have been below 50 more in the last two weeks than I have been in the last 6 months is somewhat disturbing. I never thought I had hypo unawareness. But apparently I do. I have learned that I no longer can guess where my blood sugars are based on how I feel since having babies. I used to test because I had classic symptoms of high or low blood sugars. Not anymore. When I was pregnant with Tag I would suddenly be very lethargic and sleepy. I would test wondering how high I was. No, I was almost always low when I felt that way. My radar went back to normal after he was born but my blood sugars have been on a roller coaster for the last two years. On Friday Dave was telling me about the results from the iPro study I did. He told me that I spend about 20% of my day low. The iPro only reads as low as 40. I bottomed out and flat lined a couple of times at 40 since the sensor doesn't read any lower. That kind of blew my mind.
I can't believe this day. I had around 80 grams of carbs at 3 am when I got my reading of 38. I went back to sleep full on expecting to be high by the time I got up for the day. I didn't test before showering this morning. I felt like crap in the shower. When I tested after getting out I was 52! Wow. Ok. So I had more carbs than I needed and more food than I ever eat for breakfast. Yeah, I tested before beginning this post and was 81! Who knew grocery shopping for whole milk and fake cheese slices could be so much exercise!!! It's not. I can't believe how I can't keep my blood sugar up now.
For years I didn't care. I had A1C's around 11 or 13. For real. I was slowly killing myself and didn't realize it, nor did I care too much. But then I decided that enough was enough. It was time I went back to being the model diabetic I started out as when I was 10. Then I met Hubby. Everything changes when you have a reason to get out of bed everyday. He made me want to be a better person. He still does. I don't care how sappy that sounds.
I was perfect for two pregnancies. That perfection came at a high price but it was worth it and I did it. Then we had intense stress over deciding where to live, selling our house in less than a month, having buyers back out at the last minute. Twice. I told myself my blood sugars would get better once everything settled down. But then I found out I was pregnant! The mommy guilt I felt during the next 8 months while I was pregnant with that baby girl was more than I could bear some days. There is nothing like knowing you may be the reason why your child isn't perfect when they're born. She's obviously fine. It was an adjustment going from 2 to 3 kids but now my life is stable and predictable and my blood sugars are still out of control.
I never thought I would share so many diabetic stories every day. But I truly believe that someone out there can benefit from my experiences. Or at least take comfort in knowing they are not alone in this.