Thursday, March 25, 2010

I won

Success comes in different ways.  It is always accompanied by relief.  Being successful is hard work.  It takes a lot of determination, perseverance  and even more “in your face, I will prove you wrong” attitude. 

I don’t know why I am out to prove the world wrong.  It’s built into who I am.  When I win it’s a glorious thing.  Today I feel like I have won. 

Today I visited my endocrinologist. 

My husband prepped me for the visit by giving me nice words to say to my doctor to get my needs met and my point across.  I have spent my entire life attempting to hold my caustic tongue.  It’s not easy but I’m getting better. 

The visit went well.  Everything was down into a more acceptable range.  My weight, which he never commented on but I don’t care, my blood pressure, my average blood sugar readings, and the amount of insulin I use, which he didn’t comment on that either but I don’t care. 

I won because I brought all of these things down myself.  Well, my new ace inhibiting medication may have helped my blood pressure but it could be argued that my decreased stress level helped that too!  I won because not once did the doctor mention Symlin.  I recently read that diabetics don’t produce two different hormones.  We only take insulin but there is another hormone we are missing and Symlin helps fill that gap.  But that’s not why my doctor wanted me on it.  He thought it would curb my appetite and help me lose weight.  You can read all about that rotten day here

I won because I don’t have to see him next month.  He told me to see him in two months!  This is big.  It means he feels my diabetes management is stable enough to not have to see him next month.  I have been seeing this guy every month for 13 months.  My numbers have been spiraling more and more out of control every time I see him as he jacks up my basal rates which has created many, many issues. 

I won because I took control of my basal rates and insulin to carb ratios and I lost nearly 10 pounds just by lowering my insulin needs!  I have less lows which means I don’t have to eat as much.  I won.  Any way you look at it I won. 

My husband says that my doctor probably thinks he won because he got me mad enough to make these changes.  It’s hard to say if this was all reverse psychology or not.  Either way I don’t care.  He can be happy and I can be happy.  He can sleep at night thinking he won and I will run through the streets, flailing my arms, screaming that I won. 

Regardless of who won, the point is I’m a healthier diabetic. 

It feels good to win.  It feels good to be back on the healthy side of Type 1 diabetes.   It feels insanely good to have lost as much weight as I have.  Only 20 more pounds to go.  That seems so doable since I haven’t even introduced exercise into this weight loss equation yet!  Too many lows.  Now my blood sugar is more stable and I think I’m ready to be told I’m doing awesome by my cartoon Wii Fit trainer again.

It has been sprinkling off and on all morning.  I walked out to my van with the sun shining.  The happy sunshine shone the whole way home enveloping me in warmth, relief and that high that comes from kicking some serious butt!  Skipalong by Lenka was playing on my drive home.  I was happy that I was no longer skipping along quite merrily, reveling in hating what’s going on.  I worked hard to change what was going on and I won. 

5 comments:

  1. YES!! What an awesome post. I loved it. Yes....you TOTALLY won!

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  2. Well, Tristan, there's only one place to begin this comment -- It was wonderful to read that you are feeling better and that you actually are better. I also congratulate you on your victory and delight in your accomplishment.

    As I read through your post, there seemed to be quite a few things that your doctor did not mention. Is this usually how the appointments go? I admit that I know nothing about diabetes, but it seems to me that the omitted items were important measures to consider.

    I laughed at your husband's attempt to flip the situation. That sounds like something I would say to my wife -- just to needle her a bit. :)

    The weight loss in the absence of exercise is great. To know that you are nearing a goal that you now consider doable must be motivation in itself.

    With you Wii Fit Trainer at the ready, you're on your way to proclaiming yet another victory...

    ... and that's fantastic.
    Ray

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  3. Thank you Jim and Ray. I appreciate the support. I still can't wipe the smile off my face. I so totally won!

    Ray, you're right, my doctor doesn't say much. He looks at the graphs of data downloaded from my insulin pump and bases all his decisions on the big picture. He doesn't care what the causes or effects are. It's frustrating and I know I should dump him for another doctor. But the reality is the next nearest endocrinologist would be a 45 to 60 minute drive. I'll take a 15 minute drive thank you. I don't plan on living here forever. Maybe another 2 or 3 years. Then I get to find another one all over again!

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  4. You are awesome! As you already know I don't put much stock in endos who don't listen to the patient. He should have been jumping up and down with you. You go girl!

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  5. Thanks Dawn. Remember when I said I would show him? I was so scared that wouldn't happen. Maybe I should have pointed out my successes after all. The success is sweet either way.

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Now that I've shared my thoughts, what are your thoughts?